Why Widows Leave

There’s an obvious issue if research tells us that 70% of widows seek out new financial advisors after their husbands’ death.

Part of the problem is that many of my peers have spent years developing relationships with only one partner in the marriage, the husband.  They may know very little about the wife and her unique Financial DNA, which does not cease to exist once she marries.

The second part of the problem is gender biases.  One common bias is the assumption that a widow has never managed anything outside of her household.  Reality check: the average widow in the U.S. is 56-years-old and has a college degree; she’s worked outside the home, perhaps earning more than her husband; and she has at least managed the household finances.

Widows are capable women experiencing a very stressful and confusing life transition, and as a result their normally high capacity to function is temporarily diminished.  Unskilled advisors often confuse this temporary loss of cognitive reasoning with inability.  It’s called transition stress.  Most people do not realize the extent of their transition stress, nor the resulting incapacities they’ve experienced, until much later.  Often not until after they’ve transitioned.

At the same time, widows are getting advice from all directions. Sometimes it’s good advice devoid of sensitivity and/or delivered at the wrong time. Sometimes it’s self-serving advice calculated to strike at their weakest moment.  In the early stages of grief some of the worst decisions and commitments are made.  Widows need time, patience and understanding.

As advisors, our tendency is to be helpers and doers.  We may want to rush in and take care of everything, but instead of doing, many widows just need someone to listen.  We need to be there, and sometimes that means we do nothing.

The process for helping widows begins by identifying what’s urgent and separating it out from competing thoughts and fears.  Only after the advisor helps the client identify her immediate needs should he or she make any recommendations.  Those recommendations should be delivered in a way that helps the widow gain the clarity she needs to make confident decisions. Dealing with people in emotional crisis requires both understanding and real skill.

The best thing we can do for our clients is help them prepare for a day that they don’t want to think about.  Here are five things we do for our clients and that widows, because statistically they are the ones left alone, find to be the most helpful:

1. Beneficiaries are  reflected on IRAs, annuities, retirement accounts, payable on death accounts and life insurance.
2. The ownership of assets is appropriate based on our client’s plans, and what has already occurred in their past.
3. Legal documents are in place in the result of sickness and death.
4. Recordings and “love letters” are safely stored.  These document what’s most important to our clients and what they would like to pass on to those they leave behind and those who will follow.  Wealth without knowledge is often worthless.  One of my clients, a couple, did not originally like this process.  In fact, the wife threw away her husband’s recordings after they were done.  At a fairly young age of 64 he got a strange disease and died within five days.  When we first talked after his passing she was frantic. She wanted to know if I had a copy of those recordings.
5. Updated account balances, legal documents, and important financial information are organized and easily accessible via one secure website, so that at death, when the one left behind is trying to find their “new normal”, it’s easier.

Life transitions happen.  It’s what we do during these pivotal events that can have lasting impact on our lives.  By having a transition focus, you can have confidence that all will be alright and you will, once again, find a new normal.